For the Casual “R” Word User…
There are those who use the word in a truly hurtful fashion, such as bullies on playgrounds. These individuals fully intend to hurt those at whom the “R” word is thrown. This note is not for them. This is for the casual user of the word.
You may feel it’s not really offensive because you are using it in a self-deprecating or humorous manner. You’re wrong. It is offensive to say “I’m so retarded” when you do something like make a typo on Facebook or miss your turn while driving or forget someone’s birthday. Obviously you are not actually retarded. Therefore the question is, what ARE you saying? Your careless words are (maybe inadvertently) saying “retarded” = dumb, forgetful, stupid, clumsy, foolish, or worse. Does this smiling girl look any of those things? If your answer is anything other than a resounding NO, then I should warn you that you’ll have to answer to her big brother 😉
**Due to recent experience with stolen images, I have removed personal photos and videos.**
According to Merriam-Webster online, the word retarded is defined like this: sometimes offensive : slow or limited in intellectual or emotional development : characterized by mental retardation.
Retarded is an actual medical term that has been twisted into an offensive slang term. And guess what… because Lily has Trisomy 21 she automatically fits under the medical definition of “retarded”. She is however NONE of those negative things implied when you casually throw that word around. So next time you are tempted to use that word please stop and ask yourself what you are really trying to say. It might even be a good exercise to increase your vocabulary, and that’s always a good thing! So, if you make a typo or drop a plate, perhaps you could say “oops, I’m quite clumsy today”. If you miss your turn maybe, “Oh dear, I’m so absent minded this afternoon”. If you forget a birthday, “I apologize. I’m really thoughtless and forgetful.” If you’re at a complete loss you can always fall back on “I’m such a cotton-headed ninny muggins”. Hey – it works for Elf! When you say “I’m a complete retard” you not only risk offending or hurting someone, but frankly you sound unintelligent. It may seem trivial or overly sensitive or maybe just something you’ve never even considered. I know that most people intend no harm by it. However, we all know that words are powerful (sticks and stones, and all that) so let’s use our power for good!
So please, dear casual user of the “R” word – cut it out. Remove it from your everyday vocabulary. Picture this sweet face next time you do something stupid, and pick a different word. Whether she is “retarded” or not – she most certainly is NOT whatever it is you’re picturing when you use that word.
Spread the word to end the word!
Sincerely,
Michelle
10 Comments
Sarah
I have always hated that word. For years it was used very regularly. I am thankful it isn’t any longer. However there are so many naive people that use it without really thinking of the effect it has. I too take this to heart. My son is developmentally delayed. He has a processing disorder. I think it would just kill me if I heard him referred as retarded…because he isn’t. He is beautiful and smart and my little boy. This Momma Bear has come to his defense more times than she should…but I just have to say I agree with you.
Laura @ House Of Joyful Noise
So well said!! I couldn’t agree with you more. I have had ‘words’ with people more than once, over this one! I despise the word. Hearing it used so casually makes my blood boil. I’ll be better ‘spreading the word’ with this post, tomorrow morning -if you don’t mind, I’ll put it on our page. xo
mwac
Thanks ladies! I know what you mean Sarah…I’ve got a great big Momma Bear that lives in me too 😉 Laura – yes, please, share away 🙂
Jenifer S.
Wonderful post, Michelle! Thanks to a wise mother, I don’t think I have ever used that word. I cringe when someone uses it and will many times let them know what I think.
I love the new photos of miss L!!
Merrieann
Wonderful ariticle. While I was managing different restaurants I always forbade the use of the “R” word and explained why. I would love when I would overhear the servers take aside a new hire and explain the one thing that could make me mad was to hear this word bandied about casually. They were great and never used it (at least while at work 🙂
Diana
That was so eloquently written. You really got your meaning across without sounding preachy. I feel like people really don’t get it when you try to explain to them how hurtful that word is. I feel like they just think I am trying to be the word police, or, that it shouldn’t bother me because “they didn’t mean it that way.” You very clearly explained that is not the case!
Your daughter is absolutely beautiful!
leah
Great post Michelle! And I could seriously look at Lily all day.
mwac
Thank you so much! Leah – she really is lovely, isn’t she? I was just noticing again how shiny and pretty her highlights look in that second picture 🙂 I look forward to getting together again with you and Cora. This time I’ll have my camera and we must get a photo of the girls together. They are both just so cute!
mwac
*highlights are natural, I should add. LOL! Just so no one thinks I went out and got highlights for an 8 month old baby 😉
Merrieann – that’s a great story. It’s nice to hear people standing up for this!
Jen – Lily misses you too!!
Diana – Thank you so much. That was what I hoped… I don’t want anyone to feel bad or to sound preachy, just want people to be aware 🙂
Laura / House of Joyful Noise
More than a year 1/2 later, and this post still stirs me. I don’t know if progress in general-society has been made since then, or not. But until no one is using ‘the r-word’ as slang, so thoughtlessly, we need to continue pointing people to reconsider what they are saying. I believe people are more intelligent than this.